


drown.

by lcvelylupin



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Angst, First Love, Hook-Up, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-04
Updated: 2018-04-04
Packaged: 2019-04-18 09:14:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14209947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lcvelylupin/pseuds/lcvelylupin
Summary: He would cling to that, to the feeling of being wanted, because he didn't know if he'd ever be needed.





	drown.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first work for this ship, and there's still so much that needs to be worked on, but have this anyway.

This was the hardest part of his day. Waiting for him, standing on the sidelines, hands shoved tightly and awkwardly in his worn gray hoodie. Biting his lip as he sees that familiar shade of red in his periphery. He was drowning in this feeling. Drowning in him. 

Jughead pretended not to notice the beautiful girl on his arm, laughing at some unknown joke. They're both standing so close together, holding hands and brushing shoulders. She buried her face in his shoulder, eyes scrunching up. Her lips glimmered a sparkling peach color. Jughead despised peaches now; he had to taste them on late Friday nights on the red haired boy's lips and be reminded that he was just Archie Andrews' little secret. It tasted more like a poison apple. Bitter.

And Archie looked at her with an envious amount of love, as if her laughter was the thing keeping him grounded on this very earth. Every time Jughead saw that look, he seemed to feel the earth rotating beneath his feet. It made him nauseous. He wanted to vomit, to get her out. But reality never did taste sweet. 

And Jughead's hands balled into fists inside of his pockets as he tried to forget the taste of Archie's lips on his, like saltwater. Every time he came to around to Jughead's shitty apartment, strictly at eight pm on weekends-making sure no one was around-Jughead welcomed the tide with open arms. He got lost in the waves of affection Archie made him feel. Every time the tide pulled back, Jughead just waited for him to come back, even though he knew he would leave him again.

Once that front door closed, though? That was when the truth seeped through. That was when there were no secrets to be kept; Jughead saw every skin follicle on Archie's face, every little imperfection; here, Archie couldn't lie to him. He couldn't mask his feelings when Jughead's name accidentally spilled from his lips in that tone he saved only for him. Love made you stupid and drunk on every sensation. No other moment exists, Jughead couldn't feel anything but Archie's lips on his neck, or his fingers gently burning into his lower back. Jughead was intoxicated on that feeling.

He wanted to feel needed. But in the end, he just felt used.

But still, still Jughead clung on to hope like a life raft. It was the only thing keeping him alive when the seas got rough. Someday, Archie would realize that all of this was pointless. It was an unrealistic notion, but this wasn't exactly an ideal situation. 

He wished he could tell Archie just how he felt; to make him choose, but that was irrational and childish. And way, way too simple. 

Jughead could ride the wave, or get overwhelmed by it. As much as he wanted to push himself down to the darkest depths and accept the even darker truth, he couldn't.

Archie would choose her.

Loving her assured him safety. Jughead loved Archie enough to want that for him. Loving her meant acceptance and love; loving her allowed him to live with the life that was meant for him. Not some shitty apartment paid with an equally shitty job. Jughead was lucky enough to barely look eighteen. 

But selfishly, his heart wanted Archie all to himself. Fuck it all, he just wanted to have him, to have some sort of sign that he wasn't just an experiment. He hated feeling this out of control, this desperate. He wondered when he would come up for air, or if he ever would. 

He held on to hope like a life raft, yet Archie is the stone tying him to the bottom of the sea. 

It was so easy to fall in love, but so hard to let go of it.

Because love wasn't just lies, maybe it could be real, too; but that was all Jughead knew.

He would cling to that, to the feeling of being wanted, because he didn't know if he'd ever be needed.

Especially by a boy who had it all.

A boy who risked it all on a boy who had absolutely nothing to offer him.

A boy who risked it all, probably for the sheer exhilaration of it.

But Jughead knew he was dangerous; he couldn't even hold his hand, couldn't lead him back to the surface again. 

It made Jughead's bones ache, the knowledge that he could ruin everything for Archie. The knowledge that Archie would regret him.

Yet, he still fed the boy's curiosity without hesitation.

And he would until Archie was full.

Until Archie spit him out.


End file.
